Howe?
Approximate Read Time: 5-7 min
Warning: This post contains raw discussions of childhood trauma and sexual health. Please prioritize your well-being while reading.
I was a baby, born complete love and full of light
YOU gave me breath
All I knew was YOU
YOU were My world
All I wanted was YOUR love
All I ever wanted was YOUR love
I was dependent on YOU for everything
How
How could YOU take a wooden spoon and beat me until I was repeatedly black and blue
How
How did YOU ignore MY screams, while you kept beating me
How
How could everyone around ME be so scared of YOU, that they wouldn't help me
How
How can society be so very broken
I couldn't run or get away
I couldn't fight back
How
How could YOU be so cold and calloused to a baby
To YOUR baby
To ME
How
Over the years, I kept reaching out for help, but everyone turned their back
NO ONE wanted to get involved
NO ONE believed my stories or my black and blue welts
My family failed me
Society failed me
The police failed me
CPS failed me
God failed me!
YOU gave me life, and then YOU intentionally set fire to my path and forced me to walk through the fire all by myself
And society stood back and watched
YOU were the biggest bully of MY life
Worse than every single rape
Even the ones that you facilitated
Worse than every bit of torture that I endured, by every other person in the world
YOU made sure that when you were done with me, that I was nothing but ashes, and then you threw me out like garbage when I was 15 years old in the middle of the night
YOU didn't care what happened to me
How dark and cold does your heart have to be
Is here anything darker than black
No light touches the depths of THAT type of darkness
There is no excuse
There is no forgiveness
I rebuilt myself while YOU kept trying to ACTIVELY stomp me back into the ground
YOU didn't want to see me succeed, but I TOOK every positive aspect of YOU, and left the darkness behind
I am now whole, full of love, full of light once again, and I see your darkness now
Darkness that YOU can't come back from
I have given YOU, MY grace, but YOU will never be able to give it to yourself
I am once again full of light and love, and MY heart breaks knowing that YOU are stuck in the darkness forever.
Truly,
Margot X. Sterling
Author | Speaker | Transformation Expert
Conflict Resolution | Resilience Strategist
Mastering the X-Point: Where shadow meets strength.
